“If a Resident claps his eyeball in a virtual wood, do we lose San Diego again?”
~ Ancient cat-tortoise koan
In our so-called reality reality, Trivia Pursuit is a most popular game that has been played millions and trillions of times, usually to avoid meaningful social intercourse at gatherings such as holidays, weddings, and bar mitzvahs. The loser or losers of the game are also made to feel mentally inferior to the winning person or persons, which can be accomplished in an infinite amount of other ways, and even with an infinite amount of other trivia based games (see, for example: Memorabilia Catch and Release).
In contrast, the similar but in-no-way identical game of Trivia Ratsuit (pronouced Trivia RatSOOT) has only been played 2 times in recorded history, in each case to save the universe from absolute certain destruction. The loser of Trivia Ratsuit (always a one to one, loser take all contest) gets the incredible, nay unbelievable distinction of donning a special rat suit of immemorial, Goddy origin to enter/materialize an alternate universe where the immediate threat is rendered harmless and even humorous (see: Schmoos, Crocogators, Denver Pyle).
The first record of Trivia Ratsuit being played was between Gustafus and Adolphus Musillini of 129 Barnyblock Lane, Naples to offset the harmful effects of Nero fiddling around with the Roman Empire timeline to create a virtual sex slave market. Left unchecked, in that reality the center of the world remained in Constantinople and not San Diego, and was ruled by time traveling, eyeball headed dominatrixes called simply The Residents (yes, they can do that). After the adjustment, Constantinople became the inconsequential Istanbul, and the creation of virtual reality was delayed until 1985. All thanks to original loser Adolphus “I don’t hear a thank you” Musillini.
The 2nd Trivia Ratsuit contest, not coincidentally, dates from that same year of 1985, and took the form of a corrective surgical procedure to stop the internal bleeding caused by its previous Roman use. The all-powerful, all-seeing, nonhuffable cat-tortoise Max of Pieland (immediate predecessor of Lindt Lab’s Second Life) identified the need for the new contest and attempted to dream-whisper this need to his master, the honorable Lord Chancellor Chesaw of Pieland, and, when this failed, to say it aloud to him during a most awkward moment of social intercourse with his wife Patty. Those pesky, extra galactic penguins were the root of problem this time, which not only threatened Pieland but all places everywhere, anywhere. Period. The clever Chesaw selected dimwitted half brother and mustachioed doppelganger Chancellor Lord Saw-chee as his opponent for the 2nd Trivia Ratsuit game. After losing the 1 hour contest, reduced from 3 years using lossless compression, Saw-chee sulkily crawled into the prickly rat suit and entered/created virtual reality for real, jump starting an old, cranky memory. Forgetting his origin in what then became First or Original Pieland, Saw-chee, known as Chief Ernest T. Fowl Mouthed Bassethound III in Second Pieland (renamed Second Life in 1987, 1994, and 2005), began to sell virtual baked goods whose main consumers were, ironically, dominatrix residents.
Details of games:
In 1st version Trivia Ratsuit (Musillini vs. Musillini) answers were usually limited to translating Roman numerals to parts of Greek puns/jokes through Hebrew gematria, and responding to any question concerning angles with “Pythagoras”. Mussillini lost XXCVIVI to XXCIIIV, or “Gomer Pyle” to “Who is Denver’s dimwitted half brother and mustachioed doppelganger?”.
In modern, i.e., second use, the winner, Lord Chancellor Chesaw, gained an upper hand early on by understanding the value of pi was 3 in Roman times when the game was created, since irrational numbers were only invented by God as a joke during the War of 1812.26806613001927876611195909216420198.
A back story, even:
The original version of Trivia Ratsuit had 7 categories instead of the modern 6. The 7th was a pasty colored, void category to honor French King Marmalade (A.D. 2224 – B.C. 1776), a well known lover of trivia and rat infested filthy places like dominatrix run brothels. It is also rumored that a slave unit of King Marmalade sewed the first rat suit to honor his death and to make him mind numbingly immortal. Gypsy construction workers time traveled to 1976 to dig up the grave and take the suit back to B.C. 3346, where it served briefly as the Heelstone of Stonehenge before being stolen by another band of Gypsy construction workers and presented as a bar mitzvah gift to the young king in A.D. 2218, before being dug up once again by Denver Pyle. It is known that at least a 3rd game of Trivia Ratsuit will have to be played sometime before this future historic date to correct the mighty cock-up and return the suit to Roman times, where the whole cockamamie cycle can start up again begin for the first time.